It’s been a while since I shared one of our letters on the blog. While I decided that most of my conversations with you are too personal for me to share, this one in particular is something I’m now ready to talk about.
After you had to leave, my life has been an exact rollercoaster, one with giant leaps, and turns, and twists, and loops. It’s been the one to either completely go up or just keep going down. So, I’ve had moments of extreme happiness or total misery. Beautiful colours or suffocating pitch dark.
Grief, for me, is an ongoing process. It takes years of work for me to accept the loss and move forward completely. Emphasis on move forward, not moving on. I don’t aim at moving on at all. Why would I?
Moving on from the best 7 years of my life that you gave me would be a sad and a foolish thing to do. Instead, I choose to follow what I’ve learnt from you – move forward. I move forward with you in spirit, with you as my soul mate, with you as now my guiding spirit. I move forward with you, every step of the way. However, if there’s anything I’d like to move on from, it’ll be the excruciating pain of the day we had to put you to sleep. I’ve never felt such heart tearing feeling even in all the years I’ve been unwell. But that’s something I’m working on.
I haven’t really been my happy self, the way I was with you, since you’ve left. It’ll be two years to that in feb next year. I’ve been fully aware of it but I’m reaching a point where I train myself to accept the void and the fact that no one else can fill it. I’m learning to accept it as my friend and work on being happy again. One thing I made sure of was not to disrespect your miracle in any way, and so no matter what I’ve been going through I didn’t let my work, studying, learning, and exploring come to a stand still. I honour it in every way possible and also take extra care of my health.
You know one of the many conversation we’ve had together, is about the overflowing love you’ve filled me with and the need to share it with someone. Someone who understands the unconditional bond, someone who loves you for who you are and demands no change but only provides guidance to grow, someone who with just a touch or a hug can make the heart and soul happy. I just described an animal baby there, didn’t I? And so, after all the questions you answered for me, and all the hints you threw, I brought home a baby. Your baby brother. A little puppy named, Zoughie.
10 December, 2019. It’s been 21 days today since baby Zoughie has been home, and it’s been beautiful for the dog mom in me <3
It all happened in three days actually. Even though I’ve been contemplating and figuring out if we should bring home a baby, for a while now, it never felt truly right. It didn’t fit in. Before Zoughie came home, I saw a few rescue dogs but I’m aware of myself, and my family, of not being fully equipped to take care of someone with a traumatic background. And I didn’t want us to add on to it. But probably in a couple of years, if I move out and have stability, I’d love to adopt rescues and have a bigger family for Zoughie. For now, I adopted from a home litter of cotons des tulear <3 I made sure not to support animal abuse and cruelty in mills or profit breeders and so it was a really really good luck that made me aware of cotons and of someone who had a litter with puppies of the right age to leave their mamas! All in three days! I made the call on 8th, saw the puppies virtually and finalised the adoption on 9th, and left for Delhi to meet them on 10th. Although, I felt a connection with this particular baby boy on 9th itself, I wanted to be there and see if he’d be willing to and trust me enough to come home with me. And on 10th, I just new it <3
Baby Zoughie was to be named Chewbacca (Chewie) before but it didn’t happen. However, when I said Zoughie (previously spelled as Zoey) he responded playfully on hearing it for the first time! So I decided to name him after his big brother, and it’s now spelled as Zoughie 😀
Zoughie is an adorable little cloudy fur ball. He’s shy at first but opens up with strangers eventually. He loves being with the people he’s bonded with and LOVES to cuddle and snuggle up! He’s a playful, energetic little kid and I can’t wait to teach him fun things and have conversations with him!
You’ve given me the best life, Doughie. I am because of you and you’ll always be my forever. Thank you for teaching me Love and motherhood. I can’t wait to have this journey with your baby brother, with you around us every step of the way. And I know you’re watching over him, Doughie <3
Here’s the little baby boy!. 2019 ends on a happy note for me, unlike how it started <3 Welcome to the blog, Zo Zo!!
Zoughie has already been showered with gifts – his round bed, toys, treats! Both of you have some really cool aunts and uncles :p
Happy New Year, baby boys! Thank you for coming into my life <3
And I thank everyone who showed love and affection to Mr. Doughnut specially in my Diary series and hope to receive the same for little baby Zoughie <3
You’ll hear more from me soon!!
Happy new year, everyone <3
Love & Light,