When your body just completely gives up on you to the extent that you think multiple times before getting up and dragging yourself to the washroom, your mind doesn’t particularly feel all that merry too. My health was pretty much at its worst. That’s how 2018 started for me. As happy as 2017 was, 2018 turned out to be the complete opposite. And if that wasn’t enough, I had to befriend death to free my baby boy of pain. I lost my dog, Mr. Doughnut, in Feb 2018. SO you know what I mean now.
Even though Doughie left the biggest gift for me the same moment he left, I had a lot to deal with and figure out. It’s months later now and I continue dealing with and figuring out things.
A few months after his passing away, I tried and also failed at creating content like I used to. I didn’t really feel like reading anything, didn’t feel like blogging. Even the series that so many of you enjoyed the most – Dear Diary – I couldn’t successfully return to. The days became utterly monotonous without him and so I didn’t have much to share in my virtual diary.
Eventually, I decided to let go of that. I tried to continue reading the book I left in between when Doughnut got sick and I realise now that I shouldn’t have put myself through it. I’m not someone who is comfortable with or someone who accepts the concept of death that easy, having someone around you one moment and just gone the next. I can’t look at dead bodies and it’s just always painful thinking about losing someone. So do I get over loss easily? nope. And this loss has been the most painful. But I knew I’ve been gifted for a reason, and I knew I wouldn’t waste it. So I kept trying.
I tried to get back to reading, It wasn’t the same at all and it still isn’t. I haven’t had a “connection” with a story till now no matter how much I liked it. This “connection” is what made it possible for me to have a train of thought worth and interesting enough to fill my Goodreads feed and this website with reviews. But there was this one book I read in Mid March and it instantly made me write a letter to the author. I haven’t mentioned this before, didn’t share it online too but I think I’d like to now.
This helped me consider reading again but even now, It’s just not the same. However, after even more trial and errors and re-trying to get back on Instagram and youtube, I think I’m finally going to now. I have all the tools ready and I think I just need to jump in without thinking too much. And who knows, maybe I’ll fall in love with books the way Doughnut helped me to.
But there’s something else Doughie made me see and realise recently – my love for art and designing. I’d actually forgotten until one day when I was just missing him and crying that I think he somehow showed me the way – amidst crying I instantly had an idea about how I want my future to be like. I never thought I’d have the skill set to or that I could get better and more professional at it to be able to turn it into a career. And here we are now! After practicing and figuring out my next move, I finally decided to share my work professionally online and that’s how llGeeKayll came into being. I’m preparing myself to become a self-employed/freelance Artist, Illustrator and a Fashion Accessory Designer. And it goes without saying that I won’t be able to do this without your support.
I’d like to make the effort – again – to get back to making content (both for the book and now art community) on Instagram, here and also back on YouTube. Many of you have been with me since I started blogging and you have absolutely no idea about how much I appreciate you for being there. I’ve been able to make some wonderful friends too! Apart from the fact that I’d love for you to stay in touch and check out my work online, engage and share – I’d actually like you to remind me of what made you come on this journey with me initially. I’d like to know what kind of content you’ve liked and what would you like to see from now on too. It’ll help me get back on track and feel better in doing everything again.
You’ve been the most amazing group of people and supporters and I’d like to get back to where it all started <3
Thank you for everything. I’d like to make Doughie happy and proud by making 2019 better and I’d love for you to be a part as usual.
Thank you for dropping by.
Find me elsewhere:
Instagram (Art & Design): https://www.instagram.com/llgeekayll/