Every time I begin to crumble and doubt myself, I remember you keeping your head on my lap and paw in my hand when you heard me cry. This was just before you had to go. Like always, even when you were in unimaginable discomfort, you made sure that I stop crying. You’ve done so much for me all your life, Dough that even when I feel lost and my mind goes completely blank and utter dark and I wonder what will I do without you.. I know I won’t let you down.
I’m sorry I couldn’t execute the idea of a happy farewell the night before. I had planned a sleepover with the lobby full of flowers and balloons and banners because I wanted you to know that we celebrate your life and the blessing that you are.. but I couldn’t bring myself to. I just couldn’t. But I was so happy to see you happy when everyone came to meet you. You’re such a special boy! and you’re so strong!!
Everyone misses you, you’ve touched so many lives! People who’ve only met you once came to see you to say their byes. You are love, Doughie. Pure love and happiness.
I keep going through the images from Saturday a few from Sunday morning, and I’m just glad that you’re not in any pain now. And your strength and love from those two days is what I’m going to keep close and remind myself with.
But because I couldn’t give you a farewell with a smile, I asked everyone to come a week later. We sat with you outside and everyone wrote messages for you!
You’re immensely missed, baby boy. The simplest of activities or chores that you made so entertaining with your clever mischief are utterly mundane now. But I still imagine you being the silly you. Thank you for these beautiful years, Dough ❤
Remember I told you we’re getting a new laptop and I really want you to see it? We had this conversation before we had to let you go. Well, the Sunday I mentioned above, I received it in the evening and out of habit I excitedly went back inside the house to show it to you. You would’ve given me bored looks as always because it never turns out to be food! But you would’ve gone nuts with the amount bubble wraps and plastic and the cardboard box to tear and play with!
After setting it up, the first thing I did was write a letter to you. I wasn’t able to in the first week, it’s still difficult but who else will I share my life with the way I did with you. I really hope I gave you a good and a happy life, Doughie because you’ve given me the best.
It’s been tough for me to get back to my normal routine because it doesn’t feel normal without you around. I miss reading with you, and working isn’t as fun without you sleeping next to me or on my legs or when you rest your head on my table.
But I’m not going to let your miracle go to waste and so I’ll find a way eventually.
Let me tell you about the book I picked up to read. I haven’t been in the zone to read or enjoy it but I thought The World According to Star Wars by Cass R. Sunstein might help.. you know considering the movie itself is so much about relationships, love and hope. And I do find it interesting too.
And I had started 2 more books before you got unwell but I don’t feel like going back to reading them. Maybe later.
I’m also trying to get back to work. I have some photo shoot images edited and ready and we’ll soon work on the website.
Apart from this, I’ve started practicing hand lettering because I told you I would.
I’ll soon get back to studying French too. I really bugged you with “Je t’aime, Dough-Dough” in my squeaky voice, didn’t I? Oh Doughie ❤
I hope you’re happy, wherever you are, Doughie. I just want you to be happy <3
I don’t have much to tell you right now because I haven’t been in the mood to do much but I will, soon. And you’ll be the first one to know!
Thank you, Mr. Doughnut
I’ll talk to you soon.
Love, always & forever.